Sunday, October 17, 2010

Sundays' Quote: 140-character maximum, pt. 2

Having initially questioned Twitter's usefulness, I now understand both its purpose and appeal.  Continuing a post from last June, the following is a list of my favorites from the past four months, 75 in all, that go far to convey in a limited amount of words that which I sometimes have difficulty expressing in lengthy diatribes:

1) "Clearly we have forgotten those who painstakingly dug the wells from which we still draw water.  Look to God & the Founders, America!"
-- August 14
 
2) "Hey Islam: Lan astaslem."
-- June 30
 
3) "It's better to be a hard-line Conservative than a no-line Liberal."
-- August 24
 
4) "I don't always need to induce vomiting.  But when I do, I prefer MSNBC.  Stay thirsty my friends."
-- September 1
 
5) "What is hypocrisy?  Howard Stern calling Rush Limbaugh 'vile'."
-- June 9
 
6) "Some of us aren't surprised by Helen Thomas because some of us are aware that Liberals frequently cultivate ridiculous nonsense."
-- June 6
 
7) "California: where marijuana is acceptable and cigarettes are ethically reprehensible."
-- October 10
 
8) "It's interesting to see Perez Hilton take part in the no bullying campaign when his career was built on ripping people to shreds."
-- October 7
 
9) "Being a Feminist originally meant that you demanded equality.  Now it simply means that a man hasn't asked you out for a date in 10 years."
-- August 23
 
10) "Once we were a thinking people.  Now we are an emotional people.  The difference is profound."
-- June 5
 
11) "God will only allow us the leaders we deserve.  The further from Him we get, the worse our leadership will become."
-- July 14
 
12) "Ronald Reagan defeated Jimmy Carter and Walter Mondale by a combined electoral tally of 1014-62.  How?  By being Conservative."
-- September 8
 
13) "I understand that he's 'historic', but please understand: Obama's not 'The Chosen One'.  He's just another politician."
-- June 24
 
14) "Al Sharpton's most recent rant, which entailed comparing Obama to Jesus, is pretty much par for the course at this point."
-- August 12
 
15) "For the record, when Obama says that his salvation relies upon our collective salvation as a society, that is NOT Biblical."
-- August 3
 
16) "It seems we lend too much legitimacy to the perspective of 'commentators' whose paycheck depends upon whether or not they make us laugh."
-- June 18
 
17) "Say what you want about Glenn Beck, you freaking liberals, but he's only guilty of loving this country more than you do."
-- September 1
 
18) "And remember kids, it's only okay for Democrats to have money."
-- June 13
 
19) "Of the 10 wealthiest politicians in Congress, seven are Democrats, which proves that it's only okay for the Left to have lots of money."
-- September 2
 
20) "Terms like 'frenemy', 'chillax', & 'bromance are being added to the Oxford Dictionary of English.  The end is definitely near."
-- August 22
 
21) "George Steinbrenner tried to fire God earlier today, to which the Almighty replied, 'Go to Hell'."
-- July 13
 
22) "Charles Krauthammer's comment about the Left's 'social engineering hubris' was spot-on.  He's hardcore."
-- June 25
 
23) "I'd prefer to be born wealthy instead of devastatingly handsome.  Being really, really, ridiculously good looking isn't all that great."
-- October 1
 
24) "Unemployed with a pending felony charge to boot, Alvin Greene won S.C.'s Democratic Senate primary w/o running a full campaign.  Silly Dems."
-- June 9
 
25) "Ozzy Osbourne is Rolling Stone's new health columnist.  I'm guessing Amy Winehouse wasn't available."
-- July 4
 
26) "The older I get, the more I appreciate Van Halen's first six albums."
-- October 16
 
27) "Venezuelan tyrant Hugo Chavez has threatened to cut his oil supply to the U.S.  I'm sure Oliver Stone is thrilled."
-- July 29
 
28) "Oliver Stone called George Bush a 'devil', but he places Hugo Chavez and Raul Castro on a pedestal.  Only Liberals praise our enemies."
-- July 22 ("Stephen Marche's piece about Oliver Stone in the most recent edition of Esquire is a must-read." -- September 23)
 
29) "Chris Matthews says new anti-illegal immigration plan is '...just pandering to angry White people'.  Hey Matthews, f--k off."
-- July 1
 
30) "Gallup shows Independents swinging strongly toward GOP because Dems have become 'too liberal'.  Thanks Obama, Matthews, Olbermann, et al."
-- July 1
 
31) "Liberals are good at being cool.  That's their m.o.  Conservatives must get better at being right.  That's our calling."
-- September 9
 
32) "When everyone else sees a belligerent aggressor, liberals only see a potential voter."
-- August 20
 
33) "A Google search on Samir Shabazz turns up practically no mainstream sources.  Ah, but if a 'cracker' dared to spew such rhetoric..."
-- July 11
 
34) "Those who 'hate' on Christopher Columbus exhibit some degree of naivet√©.  If not the Spanish, explorers would have come from elsewhere."
-- October 11
 
35) "Whether it's 'Cordoba House' or 'Park51', the proposed mosque at Ground Zero is a 13-story monument to Islam's desire to dominate America."
-- July 15
 
36) "I will build a big Christian church near Mecca & preach about tolerance.  I'm sure Muslims would have no problem with that whatsoever."
-- September 13
 
37) "I am officially calling for Islamic Shari'a law to become more Constitutionally compliant."
-- August 29
 
38) "The guy who plans to burn a bunch of Qurans on 9/11 is going a bit overboard.  But the worldwide slaughter of Christians by Muslims is okay."
-- September 8
 
39) "I came to do two things: kill terrorists and drink beer.  Looks like we're out of beer."
-- September 11
 
40) "Perhaps Tom Brady is taking too much grief for his hair.  If Gisele Bundchen is your wife and she tells you to let your hair grow, you do it."
-- September 22
 
41) "Who the (expletive) is Justin Bieber to make fun of Tom Brady's hair?"
-- October 15
 
42) "Joe Montana endorsing Skechers feels wrong."
-- June 8
 
43) "Should it bother me that my football hero, four-time Super Bowl champ Joseph Clifford Montana, endorses Skechers?  Because it does."
-- August 26
 
44) "Hey atheists, save your comments about the 60-foot Jesus statue burning in Ohio.  Just like the real thing, it will rise again."
-- June 15
 
45) "Secularists of any sort have accomplished nothing without standing on the shoulders of Christian giants."
-- July 3
 
46) "LeBron's manufactured drama might backfire."
-- July 7
 
47) "So which is it LeBron: Team Edward or Team Jacob?"
-- July 8
 
48) "Revis wants $160 million.  The Jets are offering $120 million.  Personally, I'd be glad to take the Jets offer.  But that's just me."
-- August 11
 
49) "Pay-Rod just smacked his 600th home run, and yet I find myself wondering if Snookie would consider him a 'gorilla juice head'."
-- August 4
 
50) "China's Deng Feng 21D missile is being called an aircraft carrier 'killer'.  But we still have Chuck Norris.  Advantage: USA."
-- August 6
 
51) "China might challenge America on the economic front, but they have nine-day traffic jams that stretch for over 60 miles.  Advantage: USA."
-- August 24
 
52) "So Orlando Bloom is engaged to my girl Miranda Kerr.  Who cares?  I'm not jealous.  Nope.  Not me.  No sir.  Not one little bit."
-- June 21
 
53) "So, some hockey dude married my future wife, Carrie Underwood.  Perhaps a vicious body check into the boards would teach him a lesson, ay?"
-- July 12
 
54) "It seems Marc Lamont Hill has the unique ability to speak very fast without saying anything at all."
-- September 27
 
55) "The biggest reason people watch Bill O'Reilly?  They know something will be shown from the Left that will cause their jaw to hit the floor."
-- September 29
 
56) "Newsmax ('The Great Right Hope') could buy Newsweek.  Karma.  Lane Kiffin ditching the Vols & landing at USC amid scandal.  Also karma."
-- June 10
 
57) "Oh wow, someone else called Sarah Palin a racist because they disagree with her.  How shocking and original."
-- July 20
 
58) "The new Ole Miss mascot finalists are a lion, bear, horse, land shark, & something called 'Hotty & Toddy'.  And they're all fraudulent."
-- July 24
 
59) "Clearly the Ole Miss loss to Jacksonville St. is attributable to God's disapproval of Colonel Reb's absence."
-- September 4
 
60) "No matter what the U. of Mississippi administration says or does, Colonel Rebel will always, always, always be THE Ole Miss mascot."
-- September 30
 
61) "Come to think of it, the 'Rebel Bruiser' option to replace Colonel Reb at Ole Miss wasn't so bad after all."
-- October 10
 
62) "The new Ole Miss mascot will be recognized by the administration only.  Everyone else knows who the real face of the Rebels will always be."
-- October 14
 
63) "Conan O'Brien wants Ole Miss to return his masturbating bear."
-- October 14
 
64) "Continuing the jokes I've been hearing, "Parker/Spitzer" sounds like something for which a salacious individual would pay a lot of money."
-- October 4
 
65) "Earlier today Goldberg & Behar demonstrated, quite perfectly, how the truth hurts the Left (hypersensitive hacks)."
-- October 14
 
66) "The only thing worse than The View is Kathy Griffin on The View."
-- June 17
 
67) "Somehow I'm actually offended that Justin Bieber's 'Baby' has garnered 253,368,895 hits on YouTube.  It just isn't right."
-- July 21 (Note: As of October 17, the number of hits the aforementioned video has received now exceeds 359 million.)
 
68) "It's amazing how entertained we are by complete crap."
-- July 5
 
69) "Who needs that iPhone 4 anyway?  I'm still rockin' the rotary, yo."
-- June 24
 
70) "I think too much is made of Tom Cruise's couch jumping on Oprah.  Cult member or not, it really isn't that big of a deal."
-- July 3
 
71) "Inexplicably, Baskin-Robbins is retiring its French Vanilla flavor of ice cream. COMMUNISTS!!!"
-- July 18
 
72) "CNN's Sanjay Gupta and LiveScience.com say Darth Vader exhibited criteria for borderline personality disorder.  So do half the people I know."
-- June 12
 
73) "Our last four Presidents have been embarrassments, our economy sucks, & the Gulf is filled with oil.  A World Cup win today would be nice."
-- June 23
 
74) "I'm afraid Miley Cyrus is well on her way to becoming just like Britney.  Let's hope she resists the temptation to shave her head."
-- October 12
 
75) "It seems that I'm naturally inclined to hate both the player and the game."
-- September 17

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

funniest shit ever