People I Want to Fight: Chet Haze

c/o Gawker

As I've said before, this is not to be taken too seriously. PIWtF is a mere outlet (i.e., open-handed slap) that's intended to express a certain annoyance, for whatever reason(s). Enjoy.

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Some 20 years ago, New Kids on the Block were enjoying the fruits of being promoted by MTV almost every other hour. Though four of the guys in the group were relatively innocent, Donnie was the undisputed bad boy. He was the one looking tough – Or was it Hangin' Tough? – riding motorcycles, trashing hotel rooms and getting into trouble with the cops.

While it's naive to think celebrities are naturally inclined act like angels on their own accord, Donnie appeared to revel in the attention that came with being the tough White guy for whom many submitted a certain degree of respect that ordinarily lacks among the boy band set. Unknowingly perhaps, Donnie and all his exploits were also a precursor to what lay ahead.

With precious few exceptions, Rap is almost exclusively a Black man's game. Established upon a hypercompetitive culture that holds less than no regard for the weak and timid, the realm of Hip Hop is guarded by its devotees with a fervency that remains unmatched among any other genre'. So, of course, it comes as little surprise when a brash White guy – Eminem notwithstanding – thinks he can crash the party like it ain't no thang.

Enter Chet Haze (pictured), an aspiring rapper from California and current student at the prestigious Northwestern University. He may seem a bit mundane, if not altogether full of himself, at first. Yet a closer look reveals that this is no ordinary White guy. He's also Tom Hanks' son. And he has a bad case of potty mouth.

In an effort to make a name for himself in the Hip Hop arena, Chet ripped off Wiz Khalifa's "Black and Yellow" with a version of his own called "White and Purple," a nod to the college for which Chet's world famous father is likely paying top dollar for his wayward son to attend. That alone is enough to have his ghetto pass revoked for life (if he ever had one at all).

Like his brother Mark, the aforementioned Donnie Wahlberg managed to shift his abilities from behind the microphone into a respectable career in front of the camera. The future of entertainment isn't nearly as bright for Chet. Along with fellow White rapper wannabe Pablo Dylan, the grandson of Bob (yes, that Bob Dylan), Chet is almost predestined to go the way of other plain White rappers like Married With Children star David Faustino (aka, D Lil') and Beverly Hills 90210 alum Brian Austin Green.

Privileged White guys don't belong in the Rap game. In fact most of them are mocked and dismissed on the spot, and that's the way it should be.

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"I get my balls served more than Serena playin' tennis."
– Chet Haze